it's been a very long time... again

So, it seems like I should have a whoooole lot to say since I haven't blogged since like... January or something like that, but I don't know if I want to write it all. I mean, a lot has happened, but I don't feel like writing it all now. So this will be a random post!

You know what 2 movies are really strange to watch back to back? No Strings Attached and The Black Swan. Natalie Portman is in both movies, but she plays completely different characters in them. If you do watch them next to each other, I suggest you watch The Black Swan first - you're gonna need some comic relief after that - it's pretty disturbing. Unfortunately, we didn't watch them in that order, so we played Guess Who to lighten the mood before going to sleep (at about 4:30am... goodness). Lauren and I are pretty beast at Guess Who, I'd say.

You know what I hate? Wanting to change something so bad, but not being able to do anything about it at all. It makes me so scared. And I can't just not care about it, either. It's not something like, oh, that doesn't really matter that much - it matters a whole lot, even though it doesn't affect me. Maybe someday I'll figure out how I can help change things, but for now all I can do is pray about it.

On a lighter note, tomorrow is my first day working/training at Rita's! I'm excited! I'm also a little nervous. But it'll be fun.

Hmmm...

I felt like maybe I should write something here, but I have no ideas about what to write about... I also thought that if I started writing something, maybe I'd think of what I could write about, but so far I've had no such luck...

It seems like there's nothing interesting enough that goes on in my life to write about... I'm not saying I have a boring life, just... nothing's ever different, really. I go to class, I practice, I do homework and laundry and eat and sleep. I go to concerts, I perform in concerts, I hang out with friends and every now and then do something fun with them. I'm not in any fraternities (co-ed) or sororities, I don't drink, I don't do anything illegal except tonight I drove the opposite direction in a parking lot. I did get a new car since my last blog which was exciting.

I probably care too much about what people think of me and I end up being too self-concious because of that. I like some things about Mondays but Fridays are my favorite. I make very similar wishes at 11:11 whenever I see it and I look at the clock at 10:27 randomly at least once a day (like just now). I've worn a watch almost every day since about 5th grade but the other day I let someone borrow it for a class and I had to go almost 24 hours without it. I looked at my bare wrist about 36 times an hour just to be disappointed that I still did not know what time it was. I know that, despite how much you may think you do know, you really don't know how much something (or someone) means to you until you don't have it anymore.

I like the clarinet a whole lot and I hope to one day be as awesome at it as my teacher, although I don't know if that's possible. I'm scared of the future and I don't know what I'm going to be doing in 10 years, although I know what I'd like to be doing. I love making beautiful music and want to continue to do so for the rest of my life.

I know I should tell people how I really feel but I rarely do. I sometimes keep my feelings inside for so long that I explode without warning at little things. I have to make everything perfect, but my room is a mess. I'm addicted to Chick-fil-A. I always step off with my left foot.

I miss a lot of things, but I don't think I'd go back because I really like right now. I think Dashboard Confessional is awesome and they'll always be my favorite no matter how many other awesome bands I find. I love being in college, and I especially love my roommate and I got so lucky to get her randomly. I'm excited about living in an apartment next year, but I'm nervous about having more responsibilites. I wish I could always be young and not have to grow up, but I don't want everyone to grow up without me. I would probably stay in school forever if I could. I had "Forever Young" stuck in my head for a majority of the afternoon.

I love my family and I know that I am very lucky to have them. I'm so glad we're all together and get along so well. I know so many people with broken families, it's a relief to go home to one like mine.

It feels good to write stuff down, even if no one actually reads it. If you did read it, congratulations! And thank you.

Laura

christmas break!!!

hooray, christmas break! finally.

good week!

So, i always get on here and say i'm gonna write something, but i can never think of anything to write. but this week has been especially good - at least compared to recent weeks, so i decided i'd write about what made it a good week!

1. I don't have a paper to write!
2. I didn't have anything important to do over the weekend - no football games!
3. I had a band concert yesterday!
4. My parents came to my band concert!
5. We ate at Olive Garden before the concert - mmmm
6. I had my last piano class of the semester today
7. I got a letter from Paco!
8. I don't have to play my really hard band music anymore - instead we get Christmas music!
9. The A clarinets will be coming in sometime this week, and I'm getting one!!!
10. I don't have a composition project due this week
11. I don't have Wind Ensemble on Thursday, which means an extra two hour break!
12. Only one week till Thanksgiving break!
13. Only one week till I get to see my puppy!!! (i miss my sadie dog!)
14. I got to skype Ij this weekend!
15. I realize I really don't have that much homework.
16. I've been able to practice more
17. The grad student in my section no longer seems to be upset with me for not being good enough...
18. I was able to go to church on sunday! It was outside!
19. I've been required to listen to the Brahms Requiem a lot for my theory class, which is a beautiful piece so i like the fact that we listen to parts of it multiple times each class
20. They had cookies and fried chicken in the dining hall today
21. I made truffles the other night! They're delicious.
22. I got 100 on my theory test!
23. I got 100 on my math test!
24. My teacher read my essay out loud because she liked it the most
25. Did I mention I don't have to write a paper this week?
26. We're learning the dance block in marching band which is fun - it makes me sore, though!
27. We cleaned our room! And it's gonna stay that way. (hopefully!)
28. Everyone just seems to be in a good mood!
29. I'm at school for music - I love music.
30. We're going to see Harry Potter on Saturday! (or at least planning on it!)

So, that's just a few things that have made this week awesome! (Michelle, it kinda turned into one of your lists of things to be thankful for! Haha) I hope it continues to be a good week!

all we do is win!

so, ecu beat state, such a great game! it made me sooo nervous! it went into overtime and we missed the extra point but made an interception when they had the ball and it was over! shoo. games are so much fun, though. and it was neat to finally get to play state! we only play them every other year, so the next time we play will be at state my senior year. kind of a long way away, but i wanna go! i dont think i'll be in marching band then, though... state's full band came to the game! unfortunately i didnt really know anyone in it. well, i take that back, i didnt know i knew anyone in it, except for people i've met a couple times through a few of my friends at school. actually, i found out yesterday that molly hedges is in it, and she was in band with me in high school! she plays clarinet! but i didnt see her. we played hey baby with their band and it made me a little sad cause i didnt have anyone to sing it to. i sang to a random guy on tenors...

but i think some people at state may be a little sore after their loss. good game, though. nice try.

time flies?

so can you believe i'm gonna be 20 in less than 3 months? i've been thinking about that a lot lately. how old i am. how i'm 5/16ths of the way through college (at least my undergrad). my little brother will be 18! which makes me feel old, too. it doesnt seem like that long ago when i was 16 and getting my drivers' license... but that was 4 years ago. and soon, 18 will be 2 years ago! i hardly feel 19 right now. like, i have to remind myself. i'm not a freshman anymore. i'll never be a freshman again! senior year doesnt feel like it was that long ago, either, but once i'm done with this year, i'll be closer to being a senior in college than a senior in high school.

i do think i'll go to grad school, though. an extra 2 years to figure out a job. and pay tuition... a job is something i worry about. it's why i'm a double major. from what i hear, it's really difficult for a performance major to find a job. and i knew this, but i still chose it as my major. i'm already nervous about auditions for symphonies and stuff, and i've barely even thought about it.

i can't decide if i want time to go fast or slow. at first i think fast, but then i think about all the things that'll happen, all the decisions i'll have to make, and i think, no, i'd like it to go slow. but i think what i really want is for it to start fast then slow down before i graduate.

by the way, corn mazes are awesome. and wrightsville beach under a new moon is absolutely amazing. there were more stars than i think i've ever seen at once and the water was so sparkly you wouldnt believe. and i saw 2 shooting stars. it was magical. i'm almost scared to go back cause it can't be as perfect as it was on friday night.

fall break!!

fall break is sooo close! but 4 days kinda feels like a long time. i still have to make it through my modern algebra test. and 2 more marching band rehearsals. today marching band was actually pretty good - franklin (our director) was out sick so it was run by the grad staff. everyone was in a better mood so we sounded better and everything. i just hope we get a lot done on wednesday so maybe, possibly, we'll get out early on friday! i'm crossing my fingers. i'm going to the football game at ashley that night and i realllly want to get there as quickly as i can so i wont miss half time. i made it before half time last year, so i think i can do it again.

but yes, 4 more days, and i can't wait. i really need a break. i feel like i'm in a bad mood too often here, things getting me down that shouldnt bother me and whatnaught. things i shouldnt let bother me that i've been dealing with for a long time that are just... hard to deal with now. ugh. a break from it will help. friday night can't come fast enough.